Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Zanwe's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, March 16th, 2003
11:42 pm	Ok so tuesday i am haveing dinner with miss nikki.... yay... i miss her lots... I cant wait for APRIL.... i have 3 great concerts..... BRIGHT EYES (witch i really need right now), then ANNIE LENNOX.. and then ANI DIFRANCO!! YAY..... hummm.... what else.. learnig some new poi moves witch is allways nice... Went to Little Fyodor last night at lions laior.... ahhh i love it.. got to see bonnie witch was cool... and evan and the lovely dave and marlena... nice night..... I hate my ex John.. he is a fucking ass and needs to go to hell... why cant i ever.. EVER have a nice good breakup where the breakup and the after math is good.... it seemed like this was finally it.... but no kids... no.... grrrrrrrr FUCK ALL MEN.... FUCK LOVE.... it fucking sucks ass... in a bad way! Humm what else..... It was Johns (diffrent john) b day on tuesday so we rolled.... it was nice! Havent done that in a long while..... sutcha good night! Played with fire and glow sticks.... music.... movies.... sigh..... :) Ok well that is it for now.... love you all who read this cuz only the cool people do! PS hi maggot... miss ya.. thinkin about ya :) Current Mood: crushed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:34 pm	I want a lover I don't have to love I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk Where's the kid with the chemicals I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full I need some meaning I can memorize The kind I have always seems to slip my mind But you but you You write such pretty words But life's no story book Love is an excuse to get hurt And to hurt Do you like to hurt? ' I do I do THEN HURT ME..... THEN HURT ME.... THEN HURT ME THEN HURT ME THEN HURT ME THEN HURT ME THEN HURT ME THEN HURT ME THEN HURT ME THEN HURT ME !! Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have To Love (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
1:14 am	So the test results were neg... i had no reason to dought this just had to make sure..... I am takeing something called effexor.. my anxiotey is better.... we will se what happens :) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 26th, 2003
7:25 pm	Today i am giveing up... i have been dealing with this depression/anixioty bullshit for to many years.... i am going to the doctor tommarow to see if i can get some happy pills. I am also getting an hiv test.... big day tommarow! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 12th, 2003
4:35 am	Have you ever been in a mood that you just wanted to maby like sleep for a year or so and just dissapear? I am in one of my fucked up moods again.... yeah..... Nikki I miss you sooo much and i am sorry for not beeing in good contact with you... i love you and i hope you never forget that.... whenever i get in this mood you just need to kick me in the ass and tell me to come over... hehe..... goodnight all.... Zanwe Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Tori Amos... Putting the damage on (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 22nd, 2002
3:32 am	Hello Everyone! Yes i am NOT dead :) Yippie! So expect a HUGE entry comeing up here in a couple of weeks... it has everything that i have been up to. Current Mood: tired Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
9:16 pm	HAPPY NEW YEAR! Happy mother fucking new years everyone! LOVE YOU ALL!! :)!!!!!!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 25th, 2001
1:11 pm	Merry X-mas All Is Full of Love "Bjork" you'll be given love you'll be taken care of you'll be given love you have to trust it maybe not from the sources you've poured yours into maybe not from the directions you are staring at twist your head around it's all around you all is full of love all around you all is full of love you just ain't receiving all is full of love your phone is off the hook all is full of love your doors are all shut all is full of love Merry Xmas.... its allmost over thank god. Current Mood: numb Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 28th, 2001
12:21 pm	I am ALIVE.... Hello everyone... i am still alive... just havent been in a typeing mood lately! But one day soon i will have to sit my ass down and write! Had our house warming/ Halloween party last night. I am soooo broke now.... shit! I have just enuf money for rent then that is IT for 2 weeks... i need my car emmisions done... but i cant get them done till next mounth..... they are due this mounth... am i gooing to get in trouble if i go get them done next mounth.. i have no ideah about these kinda things! (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 18th, 2001
12:00 pm	BOOBIES Yes.. there really is nothing better than beeing bored at work and finding Bjorks boobies. Hehehe.... i suggest that everyone go and find the new video for pegan poetrey. Yup! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 8th, 2001
9:31 pm	nothing is gooing right lately... my head hurts. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: lamb (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2001
11:51 pm	No more micheal... no more Bjork..... i cant feel the heart in my chest beating any more. I wish it would really just stop.. i am sick of feeling this way and getting screwed over all of the time. Micheal allready has another boy lined up too. More later... Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: tori <3 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 30th, 2001
2:44 pm	ouch. Current Mood: DEPRESSED Current Music: Tori... Denver 1999 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 27th, 2001
11:30 pm	:'-( Current Mood: depressed Current Music: tori...happyness IS a warm GUN! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 26th, 2001
10:24 pm	So nikki came home today a bit tipsy.... hehe it was sooo cute... she is so funny. She gave me a bright eyes cd..... wow... its great.. i am way hooked allready.... this shit is GOOD! I love her! Ok thoue.... 10:30 and my dumbass is still up.. waiting for Michael.... but alas, he is not on.... diddent call.... i have to wake up at like 4:15 am sooooo i beter be off to bed. Tommarow is gooing to suck like hell. Hell hell hell. Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Bright Eyes (Comment on this)
9:08 pm	Do you know what i think is kida weird..... ok so the tattoos on the back of my neck... well a lot of people ask me about them... what do they mean?? Strength, rain, morn.... Everyone looks at me like i am stupid .. but they all have great meaning in my life. Only one person has ever asked me in detail why i had them there... hehe.. i miss lisa... there is this boy and this girl across the street, the girl has dreadies, they sit and talk outside all day.... reminds me of lisa! Well i was so happy about my depression gooing away.. hummm, but now its back... i am way tired again.... had a total anxioty attack at work like a week ago.... allmost one today.. shit.... why does this happen.... i hate it. It just hit, and hard... i was doong fine then it just hit full force..... i will just have to get used to it again... I have a Tori concert to go to in November, that will make me happy again... just Tori and the Piano... thats it................................... thats heaven! And just to think i have Bjork comeing up soon too.... i was so upset that i diddent get to any concerts this summer.... but i get to see my two favs in the whole world! Hehe! Wonderful! I am so tired all of the time now.... i have to be at work at 5 am tommarow.. but i have to go to the store before that even..... i will be at work till like 3pm, then have to be back at 5pm.... we are dooing at BBQ for ATT... 680 people..... i had to make 700 brownies today..... i hate brownies now..... fuck brownies! Had to cut TONS of tomatoes and Onions today..... Fuck tomatoes and Onions..... yeah! It rained here today.... while the sun was setting..... wow it was perfect! Lovely........... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Tori...... :) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
10:14 pm	my boyfriend never calls me anymore :-( Current Mood: sad Current Music: Bjork "Gloomy Sunday" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 12th, 2001
5:49 pm	So today at work complety sucked.. i had the hangover from HELL today.... shit, i really dont know what happined yesterday but i drank an entire bottle of sothern comfort..... 375 ml size.... 100 proof.. all by myself... WOW... that is.. ummmm... A LOT! Current Mood: tired Current Music: Tori RARE (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 11th, 2001
10:18 pm	Its kinda funny.. when a really bad thing happens.. how people come togther.. Like today at work.... people whom normally would love to KILL ME SLOWELY AND WATCH ME SUFFER were so nice to me today.. WEIRD....... Hummmmm? Current Mood: ponderish Current Music: TORI AMOS.... everything that makes me happy again! (Comment on this)
7:48 pm	Ryan just called.... I had the best conversating ever with him... Thank you Ryan.. you made me feel really good :) And saying this as a friend... i love you! Current Mood: grateful Current Music: TORI AMOS! (Comment on this)